Some Things Should Not Mix

Written by contributing author Pedi Talai

As a short, dorky, buck-toothed 9 year old, I would play video games alone on most days. I didn't have many friends, the combination of little league baseball and video games were my modern day beer and masturbation. Video games were my escape from reality. A reality where getting picked on and staying up all night from reading Goosebumps was the norm. My game of choice was Tekken, my second game of choice was Street Fighter 2. The games I enjoyed the most were each other’s enemies. Usually you liked one or the other, but as a freak of nature, I was obsessed with both. They each stood for something, each different in their own way.

Let me make this clear, Tekken and Street Fighter were enemies. They were rivals, competing for a place in gamers’ hearts, begging to be fed quarters at the local arcade. Their cabinets were always next to each other, longing for attention and change like the local crack head. The people that played one typically stayed away from the other. I enjoyed this rivalry, maybe it was because I was a spoiled brat that owned both. Or maybe, because in a weird sadistic way, I was happy they didn't like each other. Regardless, it was what it was. It was the same thing as Dodgers vs. Giants, or Red Sox vs Yankees. Society accepted and thrived off of their hatred. They almost needed to hate each other, as they were competing in the same genre, for the same demographic.

Then something strange happened. That's putting it lightly, something anarchic. To me it was the equivalent of Ralph Nader and Dick Cheney taking turns giving each other piggy back rides and sharing a single Push Pop. It was like the pretentious hipster in high school trying out for quarterback and dating a cheerleader. What could be this twisted, you ask? The answer is hard to fathom, to speak, even to type; Tekken and Street Fighter are going to be in the same game. Why did this happen? How could this be? It's called Street Fighter X Tekken? When I found out, I did what any sane human would do; drank a bottle of whiskey, shaved my chest, and passed out. The next morning I woke up and stared thoughtfully out my window, wondering if it was just a dream. I turned on my computer and Google searched Tekken X Street Fighter. It was not a dream, this was really happening. These enemies were taking the easy way out. It was like being a virgin and buying a hooker to own up to the brutal truth that you probably weren't going to have sex any time soon. For God’s sake, at least keep trying. 


Over my right shoulder, an angel speaks to me. She calms my nerves, and tells me this may actually be okay. She has big, pierced breasts full of Kool-Aid and Reeses Pieces. "Everything is going to be perfect. You can now combine your favorite characters from each game, and do what you’ve secretly always wanted to do. You can even tag out and swap characters with more of your favorite characters from each series. You don't need to play any other fighting game again, this is it big boy. Namco is even making another game with the same theme, called Tekken X Street Fighter, so you can use Street Fighter characters in the Tekken engine! Be happy, this is going to be great!"

Immediately after she concluded, the Devil on my left shoulder retorted. "This is ridiculously stupid. The World Warriors fighting the Kings of the Iron Fist? Yoshimitsu Isn’t supposed to fight Ken. You mean they’re making Street Fighter X Tekken, AND Tekken X Street Fighter? Why are there two different games? If they’re going to try and pull off this stupid idea, why can't they just package it in two discs? One disc you use the Tekken engine, and the other, Street Fighter engine. This is a poor excuse to make money and to try and bring the world together. There will never be world peace, so quit wasting our time by acting like there will be!"

I don't know how to feel anymore. If I buy these games will I lose respect for myself? What if I actually enjoy these games? I don't have answers for these questions and needless to say, I am confused.

Pedi's first time flipping someone off was when his mother wouldn't buy him Street Fighter 2. Three years later he staged a burglary on his own house, fooling his parents into believing their television and Super Nintendo were stolen. Pedi set up the missing equipment in his closet, where he finally had his very own gaming haven.