John Carpenter says 3D is Bullshit

Thank you John Carpenter for bringing some publicity to what we've been saying all along. 3D is stupid. An article on Destructoid quotes:

"I was around for the first wave of 3D in the 1950's. In my opinion, against a lot of the industry experts who have said recently every movie will be in 3D very soon, I think it's bullshit. I don't think it will. It's a way to take more of your money. It's a way to separate you from a lot of bucks. It's cool, but it's gimmicky, I think."

We couldn't have said it any better ourselves, John. You hear that Kirk Cameron? 3D is bullshit and so is Titanic. And Avatar.

NBA Jam Puts the Nail in the Coffin

I want to share with you a secret; I don't like the new generation of basketball games. You know why? Too hard. I miss the golden age of arcade cabinets in the deli and pizzeria, when basketball games were as easy as putting a quarter in the slot and bricking threes with Charles Oakley in your face all day, son. So, after not feeling the need to own a console basketball title since NBA In The Zone for PSX (when the announcers pronounced Spreewell as Sprule,) I think I'm gonna give this NBA Jam a shot.

It looks EXACTLY like the NBA Jam I remember. Easy, fun, addictive, flashy, silly. But wait, you know what was one of the things that kept us playing NBA Jam? Codes. What we haven't seen of this NBA Jam thus far are the codes! Finally, a game that wont lock achievements and trophies because we're using codes! I want big heads, small bodies, Bill Clinton, George Clinton, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Arsenio freakin' Hall! I don't need to see the codes in action though, because I trust that there will be plenty of code mods to keep the game fresh and funny for ages.

You're dead to me NBA Elite (if that is your real name,) and NBA2K11 (I always hated Jordan anyway.) Bring on NBA Jam!

E3: Vanquish

Vanquish, is a very cool sounding word. Say it with me, Vanquish. I think we sound noble, yet deadly. Vanquish. Vanquish is more than just an awesome word. It's Sega and Platinum Games answer to Gears of War. And that answer is on just about every amphetamine you can imagine. This thing is pumped! The voice acting is a concern, as is the story, but it looks like the action could quite possibly make up for those flaws. Look at the vibrancy, the frantic pace, the weaponry, the giant baddies, and the swarmer missiles. Gods, I fucking love swarmer missiles. Watch the trailer. If you're not excited to sit down and play this game, watch the trailer again. If you're still not excited to get your hands on this thing, you're quite possibly deaf and blind.

Vanquish!

E3: Bulletstorm

Out came Cliffy B to the E3 stage to show off Epic's latest offering, Bulletstorm. And then I retched. Not at Cliffy B's ever-increasing smug douchiness, no, I retched at Bulletstorm. Sure, the graphics are nice, and the over-the-top gameplay is something you and I should like, but.. Argh, the voice acting is awful! That is a forgivable sin, but argh the script is fucking AWFUL. Those in a pair can be just barely forgivable, but ARGH, an enemy just made fart noises upon being shot in the ass. Fart noises? In my game? It's more likely than you think. And more annoying too. We're not 12 anymore, Cliffy. I understand you're making this game over-the-top, but that doesn't mean you have to go all Terrance-and-fucking-Phillip on us.

What say ye, o faithful readers of OBG? Yay or nay on Bulletstorm?

E3: Dead Space 2

I never played Dead Space. It looked intriguing, but time and money constraints just didn't allow me to give it a shot. After I saw this Dead Space 2 gameplay demo.. Holy hell. I need to buy Dead Space and get into this series, because this sequel looks absolutely ridiculous!

Just watch it. Both parts. It's about 7 minutes of gameplay, and every second of it is worth your valuable time. Let's be honest, you're probably reading this at work or school, so I'm sure you have nothing better to do anyway. But I digress, watch it now!

E3: Portal 2

The original Portal was a game that snuck up on a lot of people last year. When I first saw the trailer, I knew it had some serious potential. If fact, I purchased The Orange Box strictly for Portal, and hardly played anything but that (HL2 and TF2 purists can bite me). As brilliant as it was, the game wasn't without it's faults. Mainly, it was too damn short!

Portal 2, hopefully, looks to rectify the length of it's predecessor while keeping the addictive gameplay, stiff difficulty, and quirky humor. GLaDOS wants to put our differences behind her. For science. You monsters.

Shit just got real. I'll consider this a purchase on your part, because if you don't buy it, you're crazy man! The question will be, can Valve give us $60 worth of gameplay, or will they charge us less for another game we can beat in a few hours?

E3: Super Scribblenauts

I wanted to like the original Scribblenauts. I really did. It was a fun, if not silly romp through the English language with the Nintendo DS. What bothered me about it was that you could not control the protagonist with the d-pad, and the missions seemed way too simple. Thus, the great concept of this game was defeated. The sequel, Super Scribblenauts is looking to correct the issues I had with the first. Yes, the developers called me personally, asked me what my beefs were, and fixed them. How's that for customer satisfaction? D-pad control, deeper missions, expanded dictionary with adjectives, and an incredibly cheesy trailer.

E3: Xbox Live

According to some hotshot at Microsoft, there are a lot of great changes and additions in store for Xbox live. First and foremost, Netflix for XBL is no longer borderline worthless, as you can now search for titles to add to your instant queue right from your Xbox. What a novel idea! Some other things were said, blah blah blah, who cares. The only other thing of interest is probably the ESPN content streaming over XBL. Watching ESPN programming on your 360 is pretty cool. Taking ESPN trivia, declaring team allegiance and polling your online friends about their favorite teams, not so much. But it's the idea that counts, right?

E3: Golden Eye

The remake I have been waiting ages for. Now that it's been announced, I'm not so sure about it. I realize GoldenEye is originally a Nintendo game, but to put this on Wii as opposed to 360/PS3 is a step in the wrong direction. Does anyone even play Wii games online? Imagine having an 8 player slap match over Xbox live? I can't. Well, not anymore, now that GoldenEye has been announced for Wii. And did the trailer just say play as 8 classic Bond characters? Didn't the original GoldenEye have somewhere close to 40 selectable multiplayer skins? I want to play as the dude in the banana-yellow jumpsuit, damn it!

E3: Fable III

Peter Molyneux talks a good game. A master of hyperbole, his games are always cutting edge, revolutionary, on the door step amazing and uncharted video game territory. While the Fable games have never lived up to the Peter Molyneux Hype Machine, they've always turned out to be very good games. Fable II's simple three button fighting system proved to be fun as hell; easy to learn, rewarding once it's been mastered. Lionhead Studios has itself a nice thing to build on, and while Fable III's E3 trailer doesn't show much, it doesn't have to for you to know that the game has some promise.

I can't wait to have a threesome with a whore and my neighbor's wife. Then shoot the whore in the head. And watch as my neighbor's wife's tummy swells with my child. And laugh as my neighbor realizes the child isn't his and divorces his wife. Then stab my neighbor with a falchion, and move into his property to live with his widow. After she births my child, I will raise him to be as evil as I. And after incessant nagging, I will incinerate her with a fire spell, leaving my bastard child as I venture to a new town to complete the vicious cycle again while my son begins his own life of debauchery. Oh, Fable.