REVIEW: Portal 2

The original Portal seemed to have materialized from emptiness, bundled as an extra in The Orange Box, almost feeling as more of a throw in than anything else. I thank my lucky stars that both critics and consumers enjoyed the game as much as I did, or else we would not have Portal 2. The second coming has been fleshed out and fully realized as a stand alone game, rife of comedy that is as dark as it is hilarious, puzzles that are simultaneously confounding and child's play, and some of the best writing I've seen in a game in a long, long time.

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Boots, the Final Portal 2 Investment Opportunity Video

Have you ever wondered how Chell -- Aperture Science test subject and protagonist of the Portal series -- has survived all those nasty falls with nary a sprained ankle? It's gotta be the boots! For Valve and Aperture Laboratories fourth and final investment opportunity video, Cave Johnson explains it all. 

So there you have it. Four good reasons to invest in Aperture Science. Though they appear to be between banks, so please make your checks out to cash. Portal 2 releases exactly one week from today, on April 19. We're done here!

Allow Cave Johnson to Sell You on Portal 2's Turrets

Aperture Laboratories introduces the consumer version of their most popular military grade product; turrets. The friendly and existential sentries are the focus of Valve's latest Aperture investment video series for Portal 2.

Honestly, who wouldn't want a turret in their home, protecting the things they love? I know I sure as hell would. When the sound of gunfire isn't echoing in your child's bedroom, set off by some dust particles, I'm fully confident that my infant will have the best sleep of his life, thanks in part to the Aperture Labs turret's soothing hum. Of course, I believe anything Cave Johnson tells me. 

Portal 2 ships in just about two weeks. Make Cave proud, preorder now. 

Cave Johnson on Bot Trust: Good Job, Robots

When Valve Software announced J.K. Simmons as Cave Johnson, the CEO and voice of Aperture Science in Portal 2, I thought "Oh, cool." That's it, just cool. But the more I hear Cave speak, the more I'm absolutely enamored by the voice and the choice. Simmons' unique sound and excellent delivery not only lends some B-star credibility to Portal 2, but he also plays the the role perfectly.

In this, the second of Aperture Science's hilarious "investment opportunity" video series, Cave Johnson details the ways robots are more trusting than humans. Well, he's definitely convinced me. Now, not only am I going to layer my house in lovely panels, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to ditch all my friends and replace them with robots. Thank you Aperture Science!

E3: Portal 2

The original Portal was a game that snuck up on a lot of people last year. When I first saw the trailer, I knew it had some serious potential. If fact, I purchased The Orange Box strictly for Portal, and hardly played anything but that (HL2 and TF2 purists can bite me). As brilliant as it was, the game wasn't without it's faults. Mainly, it was too damn short!

Portal 2, hopefully, looks to rectify the length of it's predecessor while keeping the addictive gameplay, stiff difficulty, and quirky humor. GLaDOS wants to put our differences behind her. For science. You monsters.

Shit just got real. I'll consider this a purchase on your part, because if you don't buy it, you're crazy man! The question will be, can Valve give us $60 worth of gameplay, or will they charge us less for another game we can beat in a few hours?