Abobo's Big Adventure is Bald Brown Badassery

Abobo has landed and he is PISSED!

Abobo's Big Adventure is a good 2-3 hours of old-fashioned NES greatness. If you were a gamer in the 80s or 90s you should not miss this homage to classic gaming and culture of decades past. Abobo throws in a little bit of everything that made the Nintendo such a killer get back in the day: Double Dragon, Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Mike Tyson's Punch Out, etc. Respect is paid everywhere and it never gets old. Except perhaps the Balloon Fight stage, that shit sucked. Everything else though is thoroughly on point! 

How can I sum up a game that is full of hilarious what-the-fuck moments? With the clip below, which not only made me el-oh-el, but also forced me to shout "Oh shit!" Yes, it's that good. With such a wide variety of jovial insanity to be found in Abobo's Big Adventure, I wonder which scene will make you comically shoot milk from your nostrils?

Abobo's Big Adventure is free to play and runs in your web browser. If you have some time to spend, I don't know why you're not playing this game. You should have stopped reading this boring ass article three paragraphs ago and unleashed some shirtless brown fury on Kung Fu Huggers. 

Kill Time with Topless Ginger Mountain Climbing in GIRP

A few years ago, QWOP set the internet ablaze with Chariots of Fire, and an atrophied Olympian who faceplanted his way to what was perhaps one of the funniest free Flash games I have ever played. Everyone is a winner! Now the makers of the original keyboard-controlled hilarity has returned with more of that good stuff.

GIRP is the spiritual successor to QWOP, where instead of controlling an Olympian with involuntary leg muscle spasms, you control a ragdolling ginger whose carpet matches the drapes. Yes, orange pants and orange hair. Where QWOP strugged to run even half a meter down an Olympic track, GIRP is a real man. He toplessly climbs the mountain side with the elegance of Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger, while fending off a territorial bird and the rising tide. Go GIRP, go! 

GIRP is not NEARLY as difficult as QWOP (thankfully), but its accessibility, if you can call it that, makes it more addicting. I wanted to write this article hours ago, but I was stymied by the desire to see how far I could get GIRP. The screenshot above is my high score after an hour or so of practice. Of course, I promptly fell 64.3 meters to my untimely death immediately afterward. Come get some! 

Play GIRP for free! 

Kill Time With Closure

Bored at the office? At home, waiting for your roommate to finish shaving his legs so you can take your 2pm bubble bath? If you have some time to kill, give Closure a shot. It's a dark styled puzzle platformer that relies on the use of light to pave your way from one end of the stage to the other. Don't get caught without your glowing magic 8-Ball, one misstep in the shadows and you'll disappear right into the void.

Play Closure now!

Waste Time at Work with Solipskier

What do you get when you mix Canabalt, psychedelic mushrooms, and a soundtrack by Daisuke Ishiwatari?

Solipskier.

It's simple, fun, and addictive. Best played at work when you have nothing else to do. Especially if you're a boss with a hot-piece-of-ass secretary who you sexually harass, and you're bored of Farmville.

Play it now!

Super Mario Bros. Crossover

What would you give to blast through the mushroom kingdom with the testosterone driven protagonist of Contra? How about down-thrusting some Goombas with link? Super Mario Brothers Crossover is an ingenious flash game that allows you to do just that. In the latest update, you can choose from Samus, Ryu Hayabusa, Megaman, Simon Belmont, Bill from Contra, Link, or plain old Mario. And if you have no idea who any of those characters are, you are already a failure and this game will probably be way too hard for you. So back off, pal. Whichever character you pick, you get to play with their classic theme music, which makes it even better!

Fans of classic gaming, mash-ups, and time killers at work will want to check this out. So go ahead, click the following link to get your ass kicked in some 8-bit gaming!

Super Mario Bros. Crossover