I Gots an Itch for Diabolical Pitch

My love for the craziness that comes out of Grasshopper Manufacture is no secret. God-among-developers Suda51 has a knack for pushing creative envelopes, taking risks and creating games that other studios couldn't even concoct during the high of a peyote trip. 

Suda and Grasshopper have spoken about the super-secret Codename D for a while now, but only recently have they shed more light on the Kinect driven project named Diabolical Pitch. It's a basebrawler: a mashup of baseball and, well, brawling. A marriage so ridiculously insane, only the very lofty Ninja Baseball Batman has made a go at the genre. As I enjoy both baseball and beating the living hell out of things, I am very excited for this game, within reason. As much of a hoot as it looks, I'm not sure whether it's been planned as retail or arcade release, but I'm 90% sure I wouldn't want to shell out fiddy bucks for it, fusion dance or not.

The Kinect platform has tons of silly exercise and dance games to entertain casuals, it's titles like Diabolical Pitch and The Gunstringer are  the meat and potatoes for gamers like you and I. Stay tuned for more info.

Watch Two Ninjas Destroy a Building in Dead or Alive 5

Allow me to expose myself as a gamer for a moment (pause). Back when the Xbox released in 2001, I played some Halo: Combat Evolved at a buddy's house and had my mind blown. He had a few other games for Microsoft's green monster, but I wasn't impressed enough to drop the coin for Master Chief alone. A few weeks later, we went in on his newly purchased Dead or Alive 3, also known as the game which helped sell me on Xbox, and consequently ruined my adult social life.

I enjoyed the original Dead or Alive games, though what Team Ninja was able to do with Dead or Alive 3 was a revelation. Incredible interactive environments, beautifully rendered characters, tricky yet rewarding combos (Hayabusa's Izuna Drop still eludes me), and explosive tag battle action. The series' fourth entry was more of the same, but better looking. Dead or Alive 5 seems to be adding to that formula, by showcasing series heavyweights Hayabusa and Hayate literally bringing down the house with hard-hitting ninjutsu. Oh yeah, want. While the post-Itagaki Ninja Gaiden III has slightly shaken my faith, the new Team Ninja's Dead or Alive is looking fine as a muhfucka, even in it's pre-alpha infancy.

So get this, two ninjas walk into a construction site, right.. What? Have you heard this one before?

Buy Guardian Heroes HD, Get Guardian Heroes 2

Little known fact: the upcoming HD remake of Guardian Heroes began it's life as Guardian Heroes 2, that is until Sega said "Hold that!" 

"The project started as Guardian Heroes 2, but the publisher - that's SEGA - said in order to create a sequel, they wanted us to revitalize the IP. So instead of starting on the sequel we made a remake," Treasure's Hiroto Matsuura told Eurogamer. 

Fair enough. Even though Guardian Heroes was perhaps one of the best beat 'em ups of the presentfuturepast, and undoubtedly atop the Saturn's catalog of highly underrated gems, it's an old IP. Test the water before diving in, play it safe to gauge the interest of OGs and new jacks alike. Color this OG broke, because I'll be throwing my greenery at anything that has the Guardian Heroes branding on it. 

But wait! Teasing the sequel already? Matsuura you bad, bad man! "The original core game mechanics is a 2D, layer-based game and that's what we like about it. We may create characters and backgrounds in 3D, but the core mechanics will be the same."

Bring it on! Guardian Heroes is set for October 12, weighing in at 800 imaginary Xbux. Buy it so we can all have a sequel, for Zur's sake! 

El Shaddai: Get High with the Metatron

If you ever told me I would play a game based on a bible story and thoroughly enjoy it, I would laugh at you, then proceed to slap you across your face and run away screaming incoherently. El Shaddai: Ascencion of the Metatron has just proven me wrong. The sea isn't boiling, the sky hasn't turned red, nor have any other signs of the apocalypse surfaced. El Shaddai has taken a bible story and flipped it into a truly awe inspiring game.

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REVIEW: Fruit Ninja Kinect

Before you even begin to read this review, I want to tell you right up front that it is a severely half-assed piece of work. Transparency is where it's at, homey. The reason is simple: there was never supposed to be a Fruit Ninja Kinect review. A downloadable throwaway of 800 Microsoft Points, meant to do nothing but kill a few hours, turned into something far more engrossing than I expected.

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REVIEW: Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet

Oh, how I love non-linear side-scrollers. Super Metroid, Metroidvania, and everything in between. If it features action, adventure, exploration, upgrades, backtracking, slick 2D visuals, and a map that is ready to be explored to 102%, I am all over it. It's no surprise then, that I was so excited to get my hands on Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet, a downloadable title that features all of the above with one stipulation: you have full 360-degree control of a spaceship and its weaponry!

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Terribly Voiced Trailer or Not, I'm All in on Deus Ex: Human Revolution

I've been looking forward to Deus Ex: Human Revolution for quite some time. I'm hoping very much that it ends up being better than a steaming pile of excrement, because my sixty bucks says this baby is going to be a big time winner!  

Eidos Montreal and Square Enix haven't been shy when it comes to marketing DXHR, and I can't blame them because everything about this game looks incredible. Stylized violence, stealth, character interaction, ability upgrades, item management, what else do you want? If you've been hiding under a rock and haven't seen the dozens of other videos, just watch this one. A mundane-voiced gentleman summarizes all you need to know, for the most part. Rest assured, the voice acting in-game is much better than this trailer's voice-over. 

If DXHR has one strike against it at this point, it may be that there is too much going on. It looks to have the scope of an Oblivion or Fallout 3 in that it will easily warrant at least 2 plays, just so you can see a percentage of what the game has to offer. When these flimsy plastic discs are sold for three Jacksons, you take a game with replay value like this and make sweet love to it. Yeah, that's my plan, as long as the bounty of options don't muddle things up. Let us pray.

August 23, mark it down. Catch a mysterious affliction that can only be cured by the augmentations found in Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Take the entire week off, because from the looks of things, you may need it. You have a sickness, and the only cure is more arm-blade!

REVIEW: From Dust

I must admit, titles where the player is given the powers of a God and asked to shape the world how he or she sees fit were never compelling to me, regardless of how incredible the premise sounds. In what feels like the first game in which I play the part of the Almighty since I've become a mature gamer, I decided to give From Dust a Godly go of it. Does its foundation hold up to the heavy expectations heaped upon it, or is this one wiped away by a tsunami?

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REVIEW: Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3

The Gundam series of anime was not one of the first stepping stones down my path of otaku, but it was one of the largest. It was a boon for housing many of the things I love: giant robots, high technology, futuristic weapons, outer space, and in some scenarios, powerful characters and a strong story. It's only logical that I would be drawn to a title that plays out the Gundam universe, be it skinned over Dynasty Warriors or otherwise. After enjoying the first entry in the series and skipping the second, does Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3 have enough Minovsky particles to keep my interest bolstered?

Bonus: Win a copy of Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3 for PlayStation 3! Details below!

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Renegade Ops: Things That Make You Go Boom!

What happens when you take a bucket full of Micro Machines and strap them full of high-powered armaments? Renegade Ops, the action-packed vehicle shooter that isn't nearly as mundane as its name. Created by Avalanche Studios, the boys behind the Just Cause series who know quite a bit about wanton destruction, this game knows exactly what we want: explosion porn!

Renegade Ops is not what anyone was expecting as the follow-up to the open-world antics of Just Cause 2. This title is very much inspired by the Strike series of vehicle shooters: isometric military shooting action. Every moment of the game is dripping with bullets and explosions; pewpewbangboomaction, yeah! The sights and sounds of exploding buildings and splattered soldiers in a jungle setting was very pleasing to the eyes and ears.

Controlling the little bugger took some getting used to, as the off-road jeep I was at the helm of must have been in a slippery mood. There wasn't much traction on the jungle dirt, as I imagine would be the case in real life, so battles with the more fortified enemies consisted of a lot of donuts and a lot of machine gun rounds. At the moments when I was able to sacrifice mobility for firepower, the alternate firing function planted some tripod legs into the jungle floor and let blast a thunderous single-shot cannon. Things that make you go boom!

Unfortunately, I didn't get to take any of the co-op modes for a spin, but the short single player session I had was a blast. The final product looks to span across a multitude of locations and vehicles, to keep everyone happy. As downloadable games go, Renegade Ops has as much promise as the best of them, and twice as many explosions. What else would you expect from the Just Cause devs?