GC10: Epic Mickey Underwhelms with Campiness

Not a big Disney guy. I was when I was like eight. These days, not so much. For obvious reasons, I had been ignoring Epic Mickey as much as possible, and I'd like to think I've done well at it. Rumblings of Disney's whiny-ass mascot have been brushed aside without a care in the world, swiftly and with extreme bias. 

Since Epic Mickey's introductory cinematic has been released, I could no longer maintain my vow of indifference. No, watching 4-plus minutes of adorable rodent hi jinx has enlightened me. Enlightened me to the fact that I was right not to think Epic Mickey would be anything world-shatteringly awesome.

Maybe not even remotely so. I don't mind Warren Spector, but he's doing his best Peter Molyneux to get the snowball rolling on Epic Mickey. Bold statements and extravagant intentions? Check. Unfulfilled promises? Maybe..

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Disney/Mickey hater, I just happen to think Disney Interactive is trying to cash in on property gamers are already wary of with a less than adequate product. Maybe you guys should just keep milking Kingdom Hearts? I guess we'll see what happens on November 18th.

Waste Time at Work with Solipskier

What do you get when you mix Canabalt, psychedelic mushrooms, and a soundtrack by Daisuke Ishiwatari?

Solipskier.

It's simple, fun, and addictive. Best played at work when you have nothing else to do. Especially if you're a boss with a hot-piece-of-ass secretary who you sexually harass, and you're bored of Farmville.

Play it now!

Metroid Other M Shows Us The Goods

Previously on the Metroid Other M saga, we saw Samus doing some platforming, running, ballmorphing, walking, inspecting, jumping, and other yawn inducing tasks. We also saw ourselves falling asleep to the tune of that horridly boring shit. Now here we are, just a shade over two weeks before Other M's release date, and we have an exciting new peek at the gameplay that excited me in the first place.

The Other M trailers have been Jekyll and Hyding the hell out of me with it's boring gameplay, exciting gameplay, boring cinematic, back and forth. I guess Team Ninjatendo did the right thing by saving the best for last. Samus is looking good in this latest tease, showing off a bunch of her killer moves in the most stylish ways possible. Hayabusa would be proud.

Metroid Other M releases Tuesday, August 31st. 

What Is Icarus? Bioshock Infinite Revealed

I want to start by saying "Good fucking job" to Irrational Games. Good fucking job, Irrational Games. In this day of hacked accounts, lost information, and leaked info, Irrational has managed to keep a game they've been working on for three years behind closed doors. Impressive. Infinite's viral site, www.whatisicarus.com, was well-handled to build the hype to today's reveal. What started as a dot on a black background, slowly became an animated infinity logo, and at 1:45pm Eastern today, became the game's reveal trailer. 

But enough about closed doors and hype machines. Let's discuss the meat of this thing, Bioshock Infinite. The slickly crafted trailer did it's duty in planting thoughts of the Bioshock series in my mind right from the start. My heart sank a bit as I realized all of Irrational's work was put into just another Bioshock title. Do I really want to go back to Rapture? No, I don't. We're teased with a familiar looking boot and robotic arm; a Big Daddy if I've ever seen one. I wanted something new, why won't you give me something new?! The Large Papa (Ken Levine has confirmed that is not a Big Daddy) flings the trailer's first person viewpoint out of a closed window.. And into a free fall.. In cloud specked blue sky, populated by airships, flying cities, and American flags. Did not see that coming at all. 

In essence, this is just another installment in the Bioshock series. The dystopian city, fallen from it's once heralded grace, the enhancing of human physiology through (what appear to be) plasmids, monstrous enforcers lethally protecting the city. These are all familiar traits of a game we know too well. However, Irrational feels as if Bioshock Infinite is a creature entirely independent of previous Bioshock games. I guess we won't know until we play it. 

For now, I'm cautiously optimistic. I like the Bioshock series, even though I was hoping Project Icarus would be a new IP, I'm not disappointed with the direction Irrational has taken things. I don't know if what we've heard of the story and gameplay thus far has done much to distance itself for it's predecessors, but however Bioshock Infinite may turn out, Irrational has done well to lasso us in. No point in tuning out now.

For a detailed rundown of Irrational Games' reveal event (to which my requests for a formal invitation were ignored) check out Joystiq's preview.

A Hypocritical Look at Beginner Mode

It seems there's a new trend gaining popularity with developers; including a super-easy mode in their games. It differs from your typical very easy difficulty setting, which makes enemy attacks weaker, the player's attacks stronger, etc. This beginner's mode, for lack of a better universal name, encourages and rewards button mashing.

Previously found in Bayonetta, currently gracing BlazBlue: Continuum Shift, and soon to inhabit Vanquish, the easier-than-easy mode allows the player to get away with not knowing button schemes, combos, attack patterns, and strategies. Core gaming elements are foregone in favor of the beleaguered art of the button mash, which consists of swirling the analog sticks maniacally, and blindly hitting every button on your controller in rapid succession. This technique more often than not leads to an easy win! Not really. In fact, hardcore gamers will suck their yellow teeth and wrinkle a zit-marked brow at button mashing tactics. Don't try this at your local arcade, folks.

My Mother Brain knows that anyone other than the casual gamer wants to learn the game's system and master it, which is good enough for me. Though my Contra heart has a feeling that games with unforgiving difficulty levels, if imbued with the beginner's mode, could be quickly mastered and defeated by a casual, which doesn't sit well with me. It's like going through the school system without learning how to write, yet graduating with a degree in journalism. What the fuck, that ain't fair!

On the other hand, my lady sometimes watches me play fast action games and says they're too stressful for her to play. I'd love to get her into games, but I can't blame her for not wanting to be overwhelmed and easily defeated. No one likes getting their ass kicked. Enter beginner mode. Wow babe, you're really good at this game. A little positive reinforcement along with a whole 'lotta button mashing could possibly turn the most condescending gamer girlfriend into the best gamer you'll ever make love to. 

So, my stance on beginner-easy-automatic-casual mode is still undefined. I want an even playing field for gamers, but I want gamer girlfriends to have an easy in. What does the interwebs think, yay or nay?

Review: Limbo

This year's highly self-touted Summer of Arcade saw a pair of releases that caught my eye the way Xbox Live Arcade games rarely do. After spending my sparse free time the past two weeks thumbs deep in the XBLA, here is my late-albeit-great take on Limbo.

Click to read more ...

EA Pulls an Elite Dick Move

After months of excitement, knowing that soon I'll be able to get some brand new NBA Jam in my life, EA has ripped my heart out. Now, the only way I'll be able to beat the snot out of the Miami Superfriends with a big-headed threesome of Danilo Gallinari, Amare Stoudamire, and Bill Clinton, is if I buy NBA Elite '11. While EA will continue with NBA Jam as a standalone Wii release, the only way to play everyone's favorite arcade sports game on a system with a competent online feature, is to purchase a different game that will most likely continue to be inferior to the competition. 

I'm not a big fan of sports games, mainly because I don't want to have to buy the same game every year for roster updates, bug fixes, and marginal improvements. Isn't that the point of DLC? I have been wanting to buy an NBA game though, if only to go 82-0 with my beloved Knicks. I wouldn't mind buying Elite to get a free copy of NBA Jam if the Live series didn't suck. I realize EA made improvements to the game this year (like changing the name,) but 2K11 put Jordan in the game. You know Jordan, right? One of the most profitable, iconic athletes of all time?

So, EA throws a do want into a not sure if want in an attempt to increase sales against a more appealing competitor. Will it work? I hope not. If you're going to have NBA Jam ready to play on 360 and PS3, let it be it's own game and generate it's own sales instead of piggybacking it onto a stale franchise that you're doing nothing to freshen up.

Just my two cents, EA.

Fractured Soul Puts Dual Screens to Good Use

When the Nintendo DS debuted way back, I was skeptical. I thought Nintendo was trying to push an unnecessary trend into the handheld console market just to be innovative and different.

Here we are years later, and I still find myself questioning the dual screens. Though I don't think I can blame Nintendo for my doubt, this one probably lays on the developers. Nintendo offers you not one blank canvas, but two, and yet you refuse to use it to any brow-raising avail. Sure there were some interesting things done with the dual screens. Most of the time though, it felt as if a game was just shoehorning a touch mechanic into the thick of things, sometimes adding a layer of needless complexity. Handheld consoles to me, first and foremost, are about simplicity. 

That's what caught my eye about Fractured Soul. It's like two side-scrolling platformers in one, with each of the DS' screens acting as it's own stage. If the hazards and enemies on one screen overwhelm you, hit a button and switch to the other screen to duck 'em. Nice! From the looks of things though, both screens will be chock full of difficulty, so don't think screen-switchin' is your easy button. Man up, son. Attack those enemies like you got a pair!

Enjoy what appears to be the maddening difficulty presented in this trailer. Also, dat music. I'm hoping the whole game has a soundtrack like this. Don't let me down, EndGame.

Fable III Initiates Operation: Pre-Order

Lots of new Fable III tidbits floating around the web this week, folks. There's the game's opening cinematic, which we'll touch on later. More importantly, Lionhead Studios is ramping up the release of it's opus in one of the most interesting ways possible; by allowing you to create your own in-game non-player character!

Visiting Fable III's Villager Creator will prompt you to answer a few questions to establish your NPC's background. Once that's set, you have a limited number of hair, headwear, and clothing options to jazz up your townie. Finally, choose a voice for your creation and a villager is born! It's a cool time killer if you don't plan on buying Fable III, however if you do, and you pre-order, you'll be able to import your villager into the game. Once you fire the game up, the product of your five minutes of labor will offer your Fable protagonist money, information, and possibly indecent sexual proposals. Schwing! 

And now onto the trailer, which you can view below. It's kinda like the movie Up; presented well, well animated, and well written, with an underlying tone of sadness.  I'm not sure what the trials and tribulations of a dead-chicken-flying have to do with uprising and overturning a dictator, but hey.. What do I know? I'm just a broke-ass, volatile, incorrigible flirt and sex addict (according to Fable III's Villager Creator.)

Jailbreaking Your iPhone: Easy, Fun, Legal

Jailbreaking: the art of unlocking your iPhone to run programs that are not approved by Apple's app store. In the past, I would have never discussed a sensitive topic such as jailbreaking. Why?

• Reason numero uno: Apple is fucking crazy in the head. Did you hear what they did to that poor Gizmodo editor who got his hands on the iPhone 4.0 prototype? 
• Reason numero dos: jailbreaking is (or should I say was) a worry-inducing process, in which you could lose all your information, or possibly even brick your phone
• Reason numero tres: jailbreaking is (or should I say was) illegal! Apple's got the Million Dollar Dream on everything they do, meaning fucking with them is a quick path to getting your shit deaded. I try to keep a low profile, ya know, cuz I got warrants!

But now, everything has changed. Last week, a ruling from the Library of Congress deemed jailbreaking the iPhone does not violate copyright laws. Fuck yeah! This makes me want to turn a new leaf in life. I will hereby make good on all of my outstanding warrants (that don't require me to pay more than $100 in fees.) It's a start, right? 

To accompany the excellent news that the law is finally working in our favor, a new tool has been released that makes jailbreaking your phone as easy as pointing mobile safari to http://jailbreakme.com. Swipe your finger, and a minute later, voila! Your phone is now installed with Cydia, the black market App store that Apple doesn't want you to know about. And the best part is that this little maneuver works on all device and OS combinations. 3G, 4.0, GS, iPad, no problemo; http://jailbreakme.com, swipe, done. 

There are sooooo many excellent and useful apps that can only be had on a jailbroken iPhone, because Apple is too tight-ass to relinquish their death grip on what can enter and exit the app store, which a lot of times are really innovative and handy user-created programs. So in essence, jailbreaking turns your iPhone into a open source device, similar to what Android handsets are. Fully customizable, the user experience designed the way the user wants it to be.

Now, go forth. Jailbreak. Make your phone more enjoyable. If you need a head start on some handy jailbroken apps, check this out.