The Witcher is Metal on Your Xbox 360

One of the best PC exclusive series is finally making its way to consoles. On April 17, The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Enhanced Edition releases for Xbox 360 and PC, bringing extra content to last year's cult hit by CD Projekt Red. While it's been said you need not play The Witcher to understand the plot of this sequel, we all know that's a crock; to take the most out of any decent sequel you need to be hip to the happenings of the first. Consider yourself covered, with this summary of The Witcher.

It's a hell of a lot of information to process, but if you watch it two or three times, I'm sure some of it will stick. This is required watching for a brand new audience of gamers now that Micro$oft has shelled out the cash to bring the latest entry in the series to its box o' hugs. I've been trying to find reasons to play The Witcher 2, but not without knowing the story which precedes it. Well, now I have no excuse to take control of Gerelt and behead the living life out of some fools.

Side Note: I've never really been a fan of the whole motion comic deal, but CD Projekt Red is doing it right with this here joint. Very nicely put together. I couldn't watch it without thinking of an epic metal accompaniment, so I went ahead and did all the work for you. You're welcome.

Ms. 'Splosion Man Goes Boom on Mobile and PC

Remember that review I did a way back in the olden day about Ms. 'Splosion Man, a 2D platformer I really liked? Of course you do, because everything I write is as memorable as your first kiss in grade school (or college, whatever). It was a game I thoroughly enjoyed playing through, though it was available only to the limited audience of 360 owners. Twisted Pixel, developers who somehow manage to incite knee-slapping laughter from me time and time again, have now announced that their crazy pink lady of pure energy will be 'sploding on to PC, iOS and Windows Phone.

I hate most platformers on iOS like America hates Electronic Arts, however I have a good feeling about Ms. 'Splosion Man. The mechanics are less about twitch reflex on the controls and more about proper timing on your 'splodes. Controlling the mademoiselle with the undoubtedly horrid virtual control will take some getting used to, however clicking anywhere to 'splode will be a breeze. With the power to 'splode anywhere you go, there is no reason to not play this title, unless you own an Android phone. Buuuuuurned.

Ms. 'Splosion Man is due out for PC, iOS and Windows Phone some time this summer.

Fez Launches amidst Black Cats, Serial Killers, and Complaints

Fez creator Phil Fish has come under a rain of fire recently for some comments which sensitive gamers call unsavory. I've had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Fish, and he's a bit of a douche bag, though no more than his hipster brethren. Living in the rotten Apple, I see hundreds of people a day with their heads lodged deeper between their cheeks than Mr. Fish, and none of them have created something that looks as mind-bending as Fez, so you know what? Phil is okay in my book. 

If the interwebz is any indication, many people will be avoiding Fez solely due to Phil Fish's dispostion. Present company excluded, of course. Come April 13, I will be playing this title that I have been looking forward to for ages, and I don't care if Fish hand delivers it and then punches me in my face. 

Fez Friday the 13th

Sine Mora: A Shooter Darkly

Shoot 'em ups are one of the most tried and true genres in the gaming world, tracing their roots back to a period that I can hardly even remember, and I ain't no youngin'. These games, as simplistic as they tend to be, oft times offer intense action and demand hand-eye coordination that few other genres do. One of the reasons why I'm still a loyalist, and why rare gems like Sine Mora have a chance to exist.

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Skyrim Turns 1.5

Bethesda has today announced the availability of Skyrim update 1.5 on Steam, as an opt-in beta. What does 1.5 include, you ask? Game Jam features including ranged and magic kill cams, new melee finishing moves, and a host of bug fixes which I can't be bothered to list. Bug fixes don't get trailers, son!

For a detailed list of the bug fixes, and exact instructions on how to opt-in to the beta on Steam, check out The Elder Scrolls communty site. The update is currently not available on consoles, but will be soon.

While we're talking Skyrim, I want to take this time to share something written by OBG contributer Eric Blackwood over on his space:

So, I was doing the quest In My Time Of Need:

The barmaid at the Bannered Mare in Whiterun is apparently a fugitive noble from Hammerfell. She claims that she is on the run from assassins sent by rival houses in her homeland and needs someone to stop them before they find her.

I weighed the options of either surrendering Saadia, or saving her. I chose to save her, which led me to speaking with a Whiterun prisoner, a member the Alik'r assassin clan aiming to kill the barmaid. I go to the dungeon in Whiterun, thinking that I would have to break this guy out. I locate him and pick-pocket a key off of one of the guards. But before I decide to open the assassin's cell, I speak to him through the gate. The prisoner tells me that he will reveal his clan leader's location in exchange for my posting his bail. I figure it's less of a hassle than breaking him out so I pay the fine. I tell him he's free and he tells me where Kematu, his clan's leader, is hiding. As I'm walking away, I hear the prisoner call the guard over to explain that I had paid his fine. The guard reluctantly acknowledges but then tells him that he can't free him because he can't find his key.

I just kept walking.

The guard must have figured it out because a short time later, three hired thugs were sent to teach me a lesson. And I found a note on one of them.

I can't think of a better way to sum up Skyrim. Random perfection in its finest form. If you haven't played it yet, what the hell are you waiting for? If you have, 1.5 is a perfect excuse to get back into it and cook yourself up a new character to take advantage of the new features. I'm finally going to get around to rolling that Mage I've always wanted to disintegrate people with. 

This Ninja Gaiden III Trailer is Bloody Fantastic

I'm on the fence about Ninja Gaiden III. I loved the first two series entries, but a lot has changed since then. Most notably, Team Ninja parting ways with head ninja, badass, and possible Yakuza boss Tomonobu Itagaki. The team's first game without Itagaki fell flat on its face, as it attempted to introduce players to a Samus Aran as a human being with feelings, instead of a ice-cold interstellar bounty hunter. Failure. So, how does Team Ninja follow that? By introducing players to Ryu Hayabusa as a human being with feelings. Hurk.

Though I'm torn due to Team Ninja's sudden fascination with human feelings, I will probably purchase Ninja Gaiden 3 anyway. Even if it doesn't live up to standards - with its casual difficulty and exposing of Ryu's conscience - first run copies of the game come packaged with a two-fighter demo of the highly anticipated Dead or Alive 5. It doesn't quite make up for the entry price, but it sure helps to cushion the blow, much like a pair of breasts. 

C'mon, did you think I'd be able to write a note about Dead or Alive without mentioning female anatomy? You overestimate my maturity, friend. 

Shank 2: A Cut Below the First

Last year, Shank crept up on me as a wicked little downloadable title about a revenge fueled killer with a penchant for style. A year later, the understandable success of the original has spawned Shank 2, a delicious yet familiar romp around a lovely, stylized 2D world. Are there enough additions to set the sequel apart from the first?

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Mark of the Ninja Teases, Pleases

Klei Entertainment, the smartypantses behind Shank and Shank 2, are at it again. Today they've released a teaser for Mark of the Ninja - a stylish, 2D ninja stealth action title. See for yourself here. It's a cool little text adventure that rewards a teaser for those who think and play as a ninja truly would. You may be asking why have I not embedded that trailer here for ease? Because the text adventure is half of the hotness. Play it, then revel in the brief awesomeness that ensues. 

I like Klei. And though I was a little let down with Shank 2 (review coming soon), I'm stoked for Mark of the Ninja. Because ninjas, god dammit. Also because Klei's art and animation is tops. With an aggressive release date of Summer 2012, we will all be marked very soon.

Mark of the Ninja (Text Adventure)

Hacking Xbox LIVE: My Experience

As powerful as the players in the gaming console market are, they ain't bulletproof. Sony discovered this last year, when their entire system was breached, leaving millions of users to face unexpected downtime while security was tightened on their network. Though all other security infringements seem trivial in comparison, Microsoft has a bit of a problem of its own. Two weeks ago, I experienced it first hand.

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Borderlands 2, How You Doin'?

Borderlands 2 is making some noise with not only a release date, but a trailer to celebrate the release date. It doesn't have to make sense, if it's awesome. And this is most definitely awesome. 

I was pretty late to the party with Borderlands, not playing until mid-2011 (judge all you want,) but after finally experiencing the dopeness I'm thinking Borderlands 2 is going to be a day 1 get. Dual wielding heavy machine guns? Fat woman cleavage? Ninja? A robot doing the robot? BAZILLIONDIER? Sold.